Warning part in case I offend someone:
*Read this sentence if you are easily offended: The following blog is completely fictitious. Now skip to the list.
**Read this sentence if you are not easily offended: The following blog is completely true and I mean every word of it. Read on…
Holy-moley, it has been two months since I’ve written anything. I’ve actually had this list written in a notebook for a few weeks now, but I just didn’t actually muster up the energy to take my laptop out of it’s bag until today. Go me, it wasn’t easy now.
I’ll set the scene for ye here now for the craic… I’m sitting here on the couch, shlippers on, feet up on the coffee table (or tea table… it’s not all about coffee ya know) and I have yet to separate myself from my beloved red dressing-gown.
Side-note: I am just after remembering I have no food in the house and I need to go and do the shopping after I write this. Now I’ve to actually put me face on. Great.
So, I’ve worked in several bars/pubs over the years, but more recently in a bar in a nightclub. I actually really enjoyed the job and loved the people I worked with. HOWEVER, for a few months I was working at 3 jobs during the day on the weekdays and then in the nightclub at the end of the week at night and on weekends too. I’ll be honest and say I was absolutely b*llocksed tired all of the time and had zero time to do anything for myself, so I came to the decision to give-up the nightclub job. It was quite sad because I really did enjoy it, but it just wasn’t realistic to keep it up anymore. SO, then I was inspired to write this blog! A little ‘tribute’ if you will…
Now, don’t get me wrong. Similar to most of my posts, I throw in a lot of sarcasm here and there for dramatic effect, so just take no notice of any negativity in the following list, I promise I enjoyed the job! Let’s face it, a list full of happy things and loveliness wouldn’t be very entertaining… You may or may not relate to some of these, but anyways… Enjoy!
You know you work in a bar when…
1.. You ask yourself; “What the f*ck is wrong with people?” several times during every shift… and you still don’t know the answer.
2.. You hope to God that you’re not as annoying as these people when you are out. (You probably are though… Just sayin’.)
3.. You gag/die a little bit every time you pour someone the drink that you almost died from that one time…. (OK, it was two times.)
4.. You have had several people come up to you when you’re up to your eyes busy to ’empathize’ by saying; “Oh I work in a bar too so I know exactly how you feel ha ha.” (Eh sorry love, but I really don’t give a f*ck……. ha ha.)
5.. You suddenly become an amateur DJ critic after listening to several of them who don’t seem to know what a song with words is. (Yes I know, I’m auld fashioned.)
6.. You develop a slight hatred for people who can’t seem to manage pouring Redbull into a glass without causing a flood. (Well, maybe that one only bothers me but it REALLY grinds my gears…)
7.. You internally roll your eyes every time someone asks; “can I pay by card?” and you just smile and say “yeah, sure”….. Ugh.
8.. You’ve been accused several times of ripping people off, because obviously the bar staff are in charge of the pricing of drinks and they pocket all of the profits too. Obvs.
9.. You can never find a pen. Anywhere. Ever.
10.. Your bar-blade has a tendency to grow legs and f*ck off when you need it the most.
11.. Blue-roll is your best friend and becomes gold-dust when the supply is low.
12.. You want to bate the heads off the group of people who order each of their drinks separately…. and every drink is the same. (Eye roll)
13.. You become an all-round cynical b*stard for the few hours of every night you work. (Or maybe that’s just me again?)
14.. You suddenly become very skeptical of how clean your glass really is when you are out yourself.
15.. You find it unbelievably rude when a customer comes up to order a drink and interrupts the deep meaningful conversation you are having with your colleague behind the bar. The cheek of them.
16.. There is always that one absolute goon-bag who somehow knows your name and they hound you for stuff every night they’re in because you were friendly to them that one time you were in a good mood.
17.. You have had at least 3 people accidentally spit on your face while ordering their drink. Yum.
18.. The thought of 24 hour McDonald’s (or just any chipper) is what gets you through a Thursday and Friday night.
I think 18 is enough, I don’t want to be too moany ya know!
So, did anyone relate to these or am I just a moody b*tch? Actually no, don’t answer that.
I could write a big long paragraph here now rambling on and summarizing what I just wrote, but I’m all outta’ juice. So, I’ll let ye go and I’ma go put me face on and buy some food. Feel fweee to comment any of your own experiences to add to the list as I am sure there are many more I haven’t included!
So that’s me, I know what my next blog will be so I will be quicker with that one! (I’m sure ye were worried.)
Over and out,