The 2018 Poem

Warning: If you don’t like poems, you won’t like this post, because: DUN DUN DUNNN; it has a poem.

It’s a cool poem though… I promise… So keep reading…


 

Well, how is everyone doing?

Enter answer here –>______________

Just kidding, you can’t do that. Sorry. That would have been cool…

Anyways, I haven’t written since August. I have no excuse really, just the usual rubbish of  being busy working, the lack of motivation and avoiding the effort of taking the laptop out of the bag and all that kind of thing. See, no excuses whatsoever…

So, back in November, I had an idea to compile a recap of 2018 into a poem. (AS ya do.)

Why, you might ask? God and his mother only knows why. Ah no, I do have a reason…

Anyone who has read any of my other posts will know that; I usually ramble on for ages and ages (sorry) when I’m writing about a long period of time (like a year for example) and I usually find it hard to squeeze in all the info I want to include. There’s also that struggle of trying to make it somewhat entertaining (it does take some effort ya know) and so, to try and avoid the rambling, I figured it would be a whole lot easier to do a poem-style ‘summary’ if you will, and write one ‘verse’ for each month of 2018.

It’s kind of a summary of world news from the year and some things I did in 2018 too… Which, to be fair; was f*ck all! But sure look, who doesn’t love an aul’ poem! (Don’t answer that…)

Before I let ye go to read the poem, I just want to say something real quick about my overall experience of 2018 and what I’m taking from it. I know ye didn’t ask, but tough tiddies, I’m tellin’ ye anyways…

At the risk of being a cliché, 2018 was a year of many ups and downs for me. Yes, some good things happened, I think I met a few new people… genuinely don’t know if I did or not but I’m not very sociable so I wouldn’t be surprised if I didn’t, but anyways… I spent time with people I love, I visited Germany for the first time, I went to 3 or 4 concerts and I was recently offered a new job too… (I start later on this month…but that’s a story for another day…)

So, without going into details, I’ve decided that my main goals for 2019 are going to focus on benefiting my mental and emotional health. So, instead of complaining about the problem, I’m just making note of this;

To those people who made 2018 a whole lot more difficult for me than it should have been; you won’t have a role in my 2019. Soz huns. (They’re totes not even reading this but it’s the thought that counts… right?)

I’m sure a few of you feel the same way about some people in your lives too, so a bit of distance is no harm!

Right, that’s the end of that. On a lighter note, let’s get poetic up in here…

(I think ye’ll get the ‘tune’ of the poem after the first few lines so it should get easier to read…)

Enjoy…


The 2018 Poem

 

Oh January, you hoor of a month. It could never end too soon.

I started in a brand new job and there was a bit of a ‘Supermoon’.

I think I went to Jump Lanes too and almost flattened a kid. (Accident)

I checked my Snapchat memories for this, to find out what I did.

(Well, at least the first four lines rhymed, let’s kape it going.)

 

February, I can’t really recall, what happened during you?

I think the Winter Olympics were on and sh*te aul’ Valentine’s too.

Back then, I was always in the gym, liftin’ this and that.

But now, I kind of ‘forget’ to go, because I’m a lazy twat. (100% a lazy twat.)

 

March, March, were you the month, when we had all the snow?

We got a good few days off work and built quarter of an igloo ya know? (We really tried.)

I started minding two little boys, every so often too.

The two of them are just the best and they actually think I’m cool.

(Only took 25 years for someone to think I’m cool. Go me.)

 

Oh April, the month that broke my heart, we lost our beautiful dog Missy.

I’ll never forget that Saturday, not even when I’m busy.

For fourteen years you made me happier, than anything – no question.

I love you and I miss you Petal, I’ll see you someday in heaven.

 

So May, let’s lighten sh*t up a bit, I went to see Ed Sheeran.

Fair play to him, he has the talent, I’m glad I got to see him.

The Eurovision, a wedding of Royals and all that fancy cr*p,

We repealed the 8th amendment and that’s all I’ll say on that.

 

Hey there June, my birthday month, I turned the big 25.

In other news, Saudi Arabia; finally allowed their women to drive.

I went to ‘Summer in the City’ and saw a few aul’ daycent bands.

Finally! We got to break from school, oh sh*t – I had no plans.

 

Oh my, July – what have we here, a total eclipse of the moon.

They found a lake on Mars and we’re having a heatwave too.

Holy Moses the heat was chronic, I was melting inside and out.

Global warming can kiss me hole, we were headed for a drought.

 

August fell and I knew well, ’twas my last month of freedom.

I did f*ck all and so I called some friends and went to see them.

I did some work for my friend’s dad, just now I can remember.

A family wedding, a new tattoo and *poof*, it was September.

 

…and as we know, what Green Day say; wake me up when it ends.

September came, all work no play, back to school and no sleeping in. (Dammit.)

Well, Dag Nabbit, I bought me a rabbit, she’s as cute as a button too.

I called her Heidi and to put it mildly; my Heidi ain’t no fool. (Mmm, Hmm.)

 

October hi, oh you flew by, what happened? Let me see…

Michael D. in for a second term and a holiday for me.

Cologne was nice, I’d go again, but the people are proper w*nkers. (No offence.)

Canada legalised the use of cannabis, hooray for all the stoners!

 

November’s the month that I got the idea, to write this little rhyme.

It sounded easier in my head and ’twas a good idea at the time. (Idiot.)

Actually, now that I think of it, I was away for some of this month too.

I saw Kodaline in concert, they were amazing… something, shoe?

(Blanked on that rhyme there, sorry.)

 

December, December, how is it goin’? All hell starts to break loose.

What is it about this month that makes me want to become a recluse?

Work was hectic, me head was fried, my good friend moved to Australia 😦

Christmas came and went so fast, ya barely knew what hit ya.

 

This verse is last, I’ll make it quick, a bit late for that says you.

I’m really hoping this New Year brings good news and people too.

So, YES I’m done, I’m finally done, I’m b*llocksed writing this.

Happy New Year to you and yours. Goodbye, Good luck & God Bless.

 

J. x

 


 

A pain in the hole…

*The purpose of this particular blog is basically for me to get a load of crap off my chest. (Not literal crap but, figurative crap.)*


Well people, how are we? It’s been a while but, I’m back. Just been working away like a busy bee, but I missed writing so I popped the finger out and got back to it.

I don’t have my laptop with me so I’m currently typing this into the notes on my phone. You work with what ya got!

So, it’s 5 in the morning, I can’t sleep and I have a story in my mind that in my opinion, needs to be told. (For my sake though, not yere’s… sorry.) Just recently I found out some enlightening info from a friend that compelled me to finally write this blog. To be honest, I had let something go that happened a while back up until finding out this new information… but there’s only so far one can be pushed and so you could say I’ve been ‘pushed’ to write this.

Because of the nature of this sitch-ee-ay-shin, I decided to write the story in the third person so that it didn’t sound like it was me just having an aul’ rant and a moan… (wouldn’t be like me!)

Before we get going here, I’ll just start it off for y’all. (I hope ye have some food nearby too because this is a long one…) 

Like I’ve done before, I’m writing this to help myself deal with a sh*t tonne of anxiety that one person from my past has brought upon me. I feel like I have no other way of expressing myself about it all and if I don’t write this, I might just explode one of these days. So here’s my story… It’s not riveting, it’s not exciting, but it is honest and 100% true… and the boring ol’ truth is all I’ve got for ye today folks I’m afraid…

**Other than the character’s names used, everything else in the following story is 100% true and is written from my own personal experience.**

Here we go…

Once upon a time…

…There was a girl named Jane Doe who worked behind the bar in a nightclub. Jane Doe enjoyed working in the nightclub as she got along well with everybody and it was a good place to work overall. After a couple of months, Jane Doe moved to France for two months to work as an au-pair. To put it bluntly, Jane was having a sh*te time of it in France so she moved back home and went to work in the nightclub again.

However, there were a few new members of staff who had recently started. Jane Doe was told by a few people that one of the new staff members was a ‘super nice guy’, in fact, one of the comments made was that he was perhaps ‘too nice’. (Too good to be true you might say? You bet your hole it was.)

So then, after a week or so, Jane Doe began talking to this new guy every so often and you could say that there may have been some flirting or some sort of awkward communication between them anyways. They started to get along quite well and he did seem ‘super nice’ like people had said. 

This super nice guy’s name was; Dill Doe. Yes; Dill Doe.

Dill Doe and Jane Doe started seeing each other. In fact, they saw each other almost all day, every day for 3 or 4 weeks. After a week or so, Jane Doe started to notice that some of the things that Dill Doe was telling her weren’t really adding up. For instance; Dill Doe told Jane that he had left an engineering job that paid him €1000 a week so that he could go and work as a part-time bar tender in the nightclub instead and be paid just above minimum wage. BUT apparently, the engineering company were BEGGING for Dill Doe to come back and work for them because of how much of an asset he was, but he decided he preferred to be poor. (Oh yes, because that made total f*cking sense.) 

Anyways…. Jane Doe found a lot of Dill Doe’s stories hard to believe… and it only became worse. Everything and anything was a lie. Even the smallest things he would say were an obvious lie and it was exhausting. Why was he like this? 

Jane Doe told a few of her friends that she was seeing him and it turned out that 3 or 4 of them knew who he was from back when they were in college too. Jane Doe’s friends told her how full of sh*t he was back then too and that all he did was tell lies, but nobody could understand why he did it.

Jane Doe took note of all of this, but because she still liked him a bit, she gave him the benefit of the doubt and said nothing to him. (Jane, you tit.)

Jane Doe and Dill Doe were practically living in each other’s pockets at this stage. They were working together, spending every day together and sharing lots and lots of ‘stories’.

Jane Doe told Dill Doe several difficult stories from her past that not many people knew about her. At the time, Jane Doe trusted him enough to tell him these things because he had told her many times that in his eyes; ‘all women should be treated like queens’ and so she fell for his ‘sweetness’… (PUKE.)

One day, while Jane Doe was getting ready for work, she saw Dill Doe take a Snapchat of himself, write a long message and send it to someone. Jane, admittedly being a nosey b*tch, asked Dill Doe who he was snap chatting but, Dill Doe replied; ‘nobody’. 

Now, Jane Doe may have been a nosey b*tch, but she wasn’t a dumb b*tch, so she continued to ask Dill Doe for the truth, knowing that he was lying. After repeatedly denying talking to anyone on Snapchat, Jane asked Dill Doe to prove it by showing her his phone. Then, he did show her, and KEL-SUPREEZ, he HAD in fact sent a Snapchat to someone and low-and-behold, it happened to be to the same girl he had recently been constantly messaging, flirting with and ‘helping’ to get a job in the same nightclub he and Jane worked in. (Such a helpful and caring guy….) And would ya believe, this girl just so happened to be VERY attractive and single… but of course, he had ‘no interest in her.’ Even Stevie Wonder could tell that she was unreal looking so Dill Doe was very obviously full of sheeeeeet.

At this stage, Jane didn’t give two hoots about Dill Doe messaging anybody, she just hated that he had lied and that he was constantly lying throughout their whole time together. It was all becoming clearer and she was getting a tad bit p*ssed off now.

So, after a good 20 minutes of Dill Doe denying that he was snap chatting anybody, (although it was RIGHT THERE on his phone in front of them both), Jane started packing all of her stuff and left the house after having the realization that this boy; Dill Doe, never was and never would be an honest or trustworthy person and in fact, if she hadn’t given him the benefit of the doubt so often, she would have copped on to that fact much earlier on. (I repeat; Jane, you tit.)

Unfortunately for Jane, both her and Dill Doe were down on the rota for working in the nightclub that night. Jane was too angry to look at him, so she chose to pretend that he didn’t even exist when she went into work.

Like most workplaces, almost everyone else who worked in the nightclub knew that Jane Doe and Dill Doe were a ‘thing’ and so it was inevitable that it would soon become awkward and more difficult for both of them to work in the same place.

Jane was asked what had happened by some of their co-workers and so she told them the truth and that she chose to leave because of the lies. Unlike Dill Doe, she knew how to tell the truth and practiced it quite frequently. 

During the next week, Dill Doe messaged Jane, still maintaining his innocence and he told her how upset he was that it was over and how he cried himself to sleep after she had left him that evening. Jane didn’t know how this was even possible, seeing as he was working that same night in the same place as her and it would have been impossible for him to have been working AND at home crying like he had said. Wow, he must have had the gift of bi-location!

Jane still couldn’t talk to Dill Doe at work and although she hated what he had done, she still liked him a bit. (Jane, what the actual f*ck?)

Then, Jane was talking to some of their co-workers and she found out that Dill Doe had gone and ‘shifted the face’ off one of the girls who worked upstairs in the hotel above the nightclub. Jane also found out that Dill Doe had told everyone that he had in fact ‘kicked Jane out of his house’ that night, and that it wasn’t her that had left at all.

As you can imagine, Jane wasn’t a happy bunny. In fact, Jane was a very, very angry bunny. However, there was nothing she could do. At this stage, she had to just go into work, ignore Dill Doe and deal with the fact that he had moved on from her very quickly and was now telling lies about her to her co-workers. It soon became a difficult place for Jane to work and she just hated everything. Work wasn’t fun anymore, she was paranoid that people were believing the lies and she was also upset that she fell for a complete b*llocks.

Jane couldn’t take it anymore. She was miserable at the thought of going to work. So, Jane then decided to arrange a time to speak with Dill Doe in person, in order to ask him about what she had heard and to try and settle her head. They met each other and as you can imagine, Dill Doe denied ever saying anything about Jane to any co-worker. He also said that someone ‘pushed’ him into that girl that he was ‘shifting the face off’ and that he didn’t even mean to do it. (Oh yes, because people just walk around with their eyes closed and their mouths open.)

Dill Doe also told Jane that he wanted her back and that everything that she had heard was a complete lie. However, Jane knew better now and said no… and finally, Jane had lost all feelings for Dill Doe. All she felt now was resent.

After this, Jane decided that it was best to try and leave it all behind and have a civil ‘work relationship’ with Dill Doe for the sake of her job…

After a couple of weeks, it came to Jane and a few other staff members’ attention that back in December, while Dill Doe and Jane were still seeing each other, he was messaging a girl who was 7 years younger than him and he had been asking her on a ‘date’. One of the other employees in the nightclub was good friends with this said girl, therefore they could confirm this all to be true. (Jane was flippin’.)

…but sure wouldn’t you know it, Dill Doe denied it all to Jane once again and he said she was 100% wrong… Despite the fact that on several occasions after that, Dill Doe and that girl were in the nightclub drinking together in front of Jane while stuck to each other like sh*t to a blanket… but no, of course Jane was wrong about it all…

So it turned out that Dill Doe was in fact messaging two girls while seeing Jane and planning dates with one of them too… the plot thickened, but Jane’s patience was wearing thin…

…fast forward a few months. (I’m sure ye are all thinking hurry up to f*ck!)

Jane began to go out with one of the supervisors in the hotel above the nightclub. While she was out on a mystery tour with the nightclub staff, Dill Doe made his way over to Jane and asked if he could talk to her. She refused at first as she had no time for him anymore. He kept asking and she eventually gave in, in order not to cause a scene. Dill Doe started to talk absolute bullsh*t to Jane as per usual and was trying to get her to talk to him again. He also started to make comments about her new boyfriend that he now worked with in that bar too and began to tell very obvious lies about him in order to cause issues between Jane and her new man. Jane was quite used to this routine and just nodded her head and smiled. She told Dill Doe that things were ‘all fine’ now and agreed to be on good terms with him so that there would be no awkwardness at work. Jane had no intention of being Dill Doe’s friend again. She just wanted him to go away now… for good.

…Fast forward another few months (See, I told you it was a long one.)

Along with working in the nightclub, Dill Doe had also started working in the bar in the hotel upstairs with Jane’s new boyfriend and also Sally; the girl Dill Doe had ‘shifted the face off’ a few days after Jane ended things with him. 

Little did Dill Doe know that after a while, Jane became friends with Sally and a few members of staff in the hotel and she was informed of a few things that he had been telling the staff in the bar. Dill Doe said that ‘Jane is crazy. She threw pint bottles across the counter at customers down in the nightclub while she was working.’ 

Dill Doe also warned Sally that if she set foot in the nightclub, ‘Jane will throw pint bottles at you if you go down to the nightclub when she’s working there ’cause she’s crazy.’ He also told Sally that they couldn’t be together because apparently ‘Jane would get angry, stop them and throw something at her.’

Jane found this quite interesting seeing as she was now seeing another lad who she was happy with and had no interest in what Dill Doe did in any part of his life including his love life. It was also quite funny because it was complete and utter bullsh*t.

When Jane found out that Dill Doe had told more lies about her, she also found out that everyone initially believed these lies and actually did think she was crazy because they didn’t know her yet and believed what was said. She became fairly bloody thick now. In fact, her anxiety hit the roof and all those months she spent trying to forget the whole thing seemed to have been reversed instantly. 

All Jane kept thinking was; ‘how f*cking dare a 24 year old, lying little sh*t treat her that way, constantly tell her lies, betray her trust on several occasions, go behind her back with 2 girls and then tarnish her name by making up lies about her too so that nobody would like her.’ What had she done to deserve this?!

Jane didn’t know what to do. Her first instinct was to message him an angry text but, she knew it wouldn’t make a difference to him or how she felt, so she didn’t.

However, as a hobby, Jane liked to write blogs online in order to help get words and feelings out on a ‘page’ and sometimes, some people would even read them!… So, she decided she would write a blog on her less than satisfying experience with Dill Doe… and so that’s what she did…

…and so here we are!

The End… (Hopefully.)

So yeah, I know; it could have been a lot worse… But it was pretty sh*t while it was happening and affected me quite a bit. On the scale of things, this was a dot on the map, but unfortunately I’m a soft b*stard and took it all personally as per usual… (Guilty!)

I still don’t know why he did the things he did, or why he thought I deserved to be hurt and treated like that… and I’ll probably never know!

…but I bet anyone reading this can relate to at least one instance in their life when they were hurt by someone they should not have fallen for when they didn’t deserve it.

But yeah, enough moaning now! I just felt the need to get it all out of my head and write it all down. It has already taken up way too much of my time so this is my way of drawing a line under it… and it’s a free country so ya know what; A public blog is the way I thought best to do it!

I hope this was relatable! Our stories may differ but, let’s be honest, we’ve all had a Dill Doe…

J.

Click here for free cake

Please read the following post at your own risk.

I can almost guarantee that it contains an absolute hape of sarcasm, exaggeration, sh*te-talk and some unintentional insults…. Well, kind of unintentional….

So, let me set the scene for you… It’s 3.27am on a Friday morning. I’m wide awake in bed with a dressing gown and hot water bottle, typing away in the pitch dark while listening to Michael Bublé’s song ‘Lost’ on YouTube….

Yes lads, it’s official. I’m f*ckin’ pathetic.

So, anyways. It has been well over two months since I’ve written anything and all I can say is even though a lot happened during that time; inspiration was at 0% so I hung up my aul’ writing cap for a while. (Just a figure of speech though. I don’t actually wear a cap when I write.)

*Note to self*: Buy cap.

So, in order to avoid boring the absolute hole off everyone, instead of writing paragraphs upon paragraphs about the past few months, I’m just going to do out a short time-line of events in chronological order… YAY!

Note: Other bits and bobs happened during these months but they’re kind of boring and long stories so I’ll just stick to the main points.

Right, let’s roll…

2nd of Sept ’17: I competed in my 2nd IPF competition in ABS Dublin.

3rd of Sept ’17: I packed up my sh*t to move to the South of France.

3rd of Sept ’17: Only like 3 people know about this because I was completely scatthered and mortified but sure I may as well just spill the beans now…

I may have missed my flight to France. (And to those of you who know me well… YES, YES, I KNOW I’M LATE TO EVERYTHING!) Anyway, I stayed in Dublin for one more night in the hope that I’d be let on the full flight the next day….

4th of Sept ’17: Got to the airport 7 hours early this time and made it to France. True story.

Sept ’17: Worked as an Au-pair and a barmaid and met some fantastic people in the pub I was working in.

Early Oct ’17: Still in France, getting fat due to eating pasta like there was a famine announced and not having time to pi*s never-mind go to the gym.

Late Oct ’17: Miserable, still getting fat, missing everybody at home, still wasn’t training, working all day everyday and still poor as f*ck.

Nov ’17: Finally grew a pair of temporary ‘cajones’ in order to tell the people I worked for that I was miserable and that I was leaving… No sooner said than done and I was out the gap…

and no, I didn’t miss my flight back to Ireland…

Nov ’17: I went back to work in the job I had before I left and I went back powerlifting and training for my next competition. Absolutely delighted to be back.

Dec ’17: I got a second job as a ‘childcare practitioner’ in a playschool in Athlone and I absolutely love it. (Yes, don’t worry, I promise I’m qualified to be around children.)

10th of Dec ’17: I competed in my 3rd IPF competition in City Gym in Limerick. We had a grand day out and it was a great aul’ day for the parish.

Mid Dec ’17: Christmas was approaching fast and my usual ‘HOLY JAYSIS I HAVE NOTHING BOUGHT’ anxiety started to kick in.

Christmas Eve ’17: For the safety of others, I made a promise to myself that I would never, ever, ever set foot in a shopping centre during a holiday season again…. Animals. They were like animals I tell ya.

Current Day: It is now 4.39am, I’m 580 words into this blog and I’m wondering why it has taken me over an hour to write this much… I suppose you can’t rush perfection.

(I know. I laughed too…)


 

Give or take a few ups and downs, that’s about the size of it now lads.

Fair enough, France didn’t work out for me for reasons that I didn’t really include above, but for my mental and physical health, it was time for me to come home.

Before I left Ireland to move to France, a very good friend of mine told me that for reasons that I might never know, I had to make the move and experience something different whether it was going to work out or not. I knew if I didn’t, I’d always regret it. She was dead right. I appreciate what I have at home now more than I ever did because I know how it felt not to have it for a while.

I also met some people there who I hope to know for the rest of my days and you can’t put a value on that. I also re-kindled my love for white wine while I was there, so there ya go… silver-lining!


 

So, it’s going to be 2018 in a couple of days and there’s one thing I want to do before I finish up here. (Yes, I’m nearly done.) I want to just name a few things I’m thankful for in 2017, because although personally it was quite a difficult year, I have many, many things that I am very grateful for. I know nobody asked to hear these, but I don’t give a sh*te, I’m going to tell ye anyways…

Right… On to the soppy sh*t:

Things I’m grateful for in 2017:

  1. Yes, it’s my family. Duh. I love them. Simple as that… and I may not always get to see them all very often, but I always know they’re there and that they love me, because well, they don’t really have a choice in the matter…
  2. My 2 dogs. If you know me, you’ll know that they are my world.
  3. My health. Well, when I say that now I mean I think I’m generally healthy, but I feel as though if I ran a mile in the shape I’m in right now, I’d probably die. No joke.
  4. Friends. I can honestly say that I would have been a very, very lost soul this year without the support of friends. Without going into the deets, just recently, someone who I met this year really screwed me over and it hurt me big-time. At the time I was up in a heap about it, but I snapped out of it fairly lively after I had the sense talked back into me by getting some genuine advice, being able to have a good aul’ rant about it and having the occasional shoulder to cry on! As clichéd and all as it sounds, tough times really do show you who is a genuine friend. I will never be able to thank them enough, but all I can say is that they have made my life a whole lot better since they’ve come into it. (Bloody hell, I am gone fierce sentimental in me auld age….)
  5. I don’t really know what to call this one but I just want to say that I’m grateful for the different positive changes and opportunities that 2017 brought me. Whether it be the jobs I’ve gotten or the moves I’ve made, it all brought along a lot of great people too, so looking back on the year, there were a lot of pros!
  6. This website and blog! I love writing and it gives me a great feeling when I hear that someone has enjoyed reading one of my posts, so thank you to anyone who has had the patience to read my annoyingly long blogs and I hope you continue to do so in 2018!

 

I know I have definitely left out some bullet points there but it’s now 5.35am and I’m starting to feel the burn of the laptop screen on my eyeballs… A sure sign that it’s time to wrap this shizz up I think.

I might write a new years resolution post in the next few days so…

…watch this space —->[________]

Until then… Have a fantastic end of 2017 and an even better beginning of 2018 folks.


 

….Wellll this is awkward… I wanted to write a really witty and clever closing paragraph to finish this off, but I’m actually knackered here and I’m just not able to come up with anything good right now…

I suppose I’ll just say bye so…

 

Bye so.

 

J.

 

 

Miss me yet?

Note: I don’t even know yet if I’m going to write anything offensive, but just in case… No offence is intended in the writing of this blog. If you do get offended, then you obviously have no sense of humour and you shouldn’t be here. K, bye…


I know you all can’t see it, but while I’m writing this, there is a squiggly red line underneath the word ‘humour’ above this and it’s really grinding my gears.

I mean, C’MON America, whenn r y’all gunna lern 2 spel tings write?! Huh…

That’s enough of my jibba-jabba, let’s get on with it…


Well, it’s hard to believe that it has been almost 2 months since I’ve written one of these. Shocking, I know. The fans will be gettin’ crabby…

So, how are we?

Since the last time I was talking to you all, I have packed up and moved my ass over to the South of France for a while… (Read my previous blog post to catch up on the shtory there because I haven’t the energy to type it out again.)

So yeah, I’m here over a week now and even in that short space of time, I have learned a lot about France and the French that I didn’t know before, and let’s face it, I didn’t know anything so it’s all a plus!

…*7 hours later*

I started writing this post this morning and I thought I was on a roll, but I had to go and adult for a few hours there and lost my concentration, so I might ramble on a bit.

Seriously though, I can only be useful for a certain amount of hours a day and I’m pretty much running on fumes at this stage… so bare/bear with me… (Use whichever one is right… I’m drawing a blank here.)

So, just for the people who know me and might be wondering how I’m getting on; everything is going good, I’ve settled in well, the job is great, the kids are so lovely, I am keeping up the powerlifting training and yes; I have in fact eaten my own body weight in bread… To be fair, it was bound to happen. This is me we’re talking about here.

It’s kind of strange; even though I’m in a country I had never even been to before now, when I’m in the house, it doesn’t even feel like I’m in a different country, because the family I work for aren’t French, so I’m very comfortable with them and I feel at home… But then I leave the house, someone talks to me in French and I’m just like “AAAAGGHHHH DON’T TALK TO ME, I DON’T KNOW WORDS”…. *runs away*….

But yeah, everything is just dandy!

Ah no, I’m happy out besides the language barrier in shops and that. I’m using an app to teach myself basic French though because there is only so far you can get by nodding and smiling at everyone. They’re going to start to think I’m just a proper dumbass if I keep doing that…

Aw lads the car… I’m feelin’ like a right beasht now driving around in a big automatic Audi. Four kids in the back & me there roaring “MOVE B*TCH, GET OUT THE WAY” at the other cars….. Ah Jaysis no I don’t do that… but can ya imagine though…

It’s one mighty vehicle altogether. Thank God it’s an automatic, because you should see some of the crazy steep roads and lane-ways they have here. The clutch would probably be gone in no time in a manual with all the hill starts in traffic jams!

Enough of that nonsense now. This is off topic altogether but; great news lads!… My next IPF competition (powerlifting) is on the 10th of December and I can’t flipping wait! I entered it there this evening and I’ll be flying back for it and will hopefully get to see the aul’ fam while I’m there. (Of course I will… sure me mother would have me murdered if I didn’t.) Anyway, I’m delighted now that I have an actual event to train towards again to keep me focused. That being said, I should have gone to train today, but did I?… I’ll let ye guess that one yourselves…

So the competition… It was just announced as a ‘last chance’ open competition to qualify for the 2018 Nationals, but I am just focusing on competing to put up a new total, because the standards are crazy high to qualify for Nationals and I probably won’t make it this time… It’s not that this is a really touchy subject for me or anything but let’s just move past it really swiftly… *crawls into corner crying*……. kidding!…Sort of…

I suppose I’m going to get a tad sentimental here for a minute… *dims lights*…

I won’t get too soppy here now but, before I came over here, I was up in a metaphorical heap of sadness over leaving people behind… (You would swear I was moving away or something?!…….oh wait….)

I wouldn’t mind, but I was actually grand until I was handed a lovely ‘good luck’ card signed by my club mates after the powerlifting competition we were at the day before I flew out. Just at that moment, I completely lost all control over my waterworks. (I mean that I started crying….. I didn’t p*ss myself or anything.)

I’m going to be honest here though; I am a seriously ugly crier… Like, full-on red face, mascara everywhere, shnots streaming and the lot, so all I kept thinking was “F*CK YE AND YE’RE CARD, I LOOK LIKE TOTAL SH*TE NOW…. WAAAAAAHHHHHHH…” But anyways…. I’d like to say I pulled myself together then, but I swear, I was crying like a lil’ b*tch the whole way home in the car and throughout the night while we were out for drinks I would just randomly start bawling again, so yeah… Obviously I’m completely emotionally stable….Ahem…. but yeah, it was so sweet of them and it meant so much to me. I miss them all madly, so just a little shout-out to my APC buds…xXx

Right, that’s enough sad talk before I start again…

Anyways… My point is; it nearly killed me to leave, but I am enjoying my time here now that I’ve made the move!

It’s a scary thing to do though when you can’t be guaranteed to like the place, so I am very fortunate to be in a good situation here…. (Serious bad buzz about the fact that they haven’t discovered turkey burgers over here yet though… get with the times people, it’s not 2015 anymore.)

While I’m here, I just want to throw this random statement in; all mosquitos are w*nkers and I hate them. That is all.

…I had actually planned on writing a super funny list of things I have discovered about France since being here, but I’m not feeling very witty today so I went with a super long essay style blog instead… everyone’s fave! I’ll just keep the list one for next time when I’m my usual hilarious self again…. *Watch this space.*

Anyways lads, I hope to write a bit more frequently, so I shall talk to you all soon about what I’ve been up to.

Just one last thing though….. I love the way I’ve typed over a thousand words here, yet back in school, if I had to do that, I’d have just been like; “Nope. I don’t even know that many words, it’s impossible and I hate writing about sh*t.”

….and now I LOVE writing about sh*t!… Lucky ye!

Have a great week.

A bientot,

J.

Au revoir… for now

Warning: The following post is guaranteed to cause a serious dose of ‘the watery eyes’ once you read the news.

 


 

Bonjour! Well that’s it… the extent of my French.

So here’s my news; *drum-roll*………I’m moving to the South of France!  To be more specific, I’m moving to a place 10 minutes from Cannes in an area called Mougins. (I’m not sure how that’s pronounced but I’m assuming the ‘s’ is ilent?!)

I know, I know, you’re all heartbroken right?…..Right?

It hasn’t really sunk in yet but I’m super excited about going and I’m up in a heap at the same time! I mean, it’s fairly unlike me to make such a big change but I think I need this… Ya know, YOLO and all that! It’s about time I did something different with my life… Ya know9, something other than changing to gluten-free bread. (Wild, I know.)

Before I go on, I just want to state a few things; (this is more for my own peace of mind)

1. I am 100% continuing with powerlifting training and will be coming back to Ireland for any events and competitions etc…

2. I checked and there are gyms within 10 minutes walking distance from where I will be living so I’ll have no excuses.

3. I actually don’t have a third thing to say but it always looks better when a list has 3 parts.

So yeah, I’m going to be working as an au pair (live-in nanny) minding 4 children for a family with one Irish parent, one English parent and then the 4 kids (or ‘sproggs’ as some people call them!) Seeing as I did German in school, luckily enough, the parents aren’t French and they run a chain of Irish bars in France so there won’t be too much of a language barrier… Well, that is unless I meet someone from Kerry over there, ’cause nobody ever knows what they’re saying!

I’m not going to get into too many details but it was a great job offer, I get my evenings and weekends off, they have a pool and the living situation will be really good so I couldn’t say no!

The family I’ll be working for are spending the month of August in Ireland so I am going to get to meet them while they’re here (and charm their socks off of course) and then I’ll be heading over for good in the first week of September. I won’t know what has hit me with the good weather there but I guarantee you I will come back still looking like a milk-bottle!

I’m not going to lie, I’m definitely going to really, really, REALLY miss some people (and dogs) when I go and that part of it kills me and makes me not want to go. All of those people might not know who they are but I plan on letting them know. Even though I’m very independent, I’ve never dealt well with seperation from people (yes I’m a big sap), but I have to just keep reminding myself that I can come back and visit at any time, it’s not forever and I’m not going to be a million miles away! (This is me trying NOT to talk myself out of going…. As you can see, it’s going well.)

On the bright side, I am going to have a lot more things to blog about! (Aren’t you all so lucky?!) I’ll hopefully get a bit of travelling done on the weekends to give me something to write about and get some good photos too… *Watch this space…*

In the mean-time, I’m trying to spend more time with the people I care about. (I know, cringe.) Over the past few years I definitely haven’t taken advantage of any of my free-time so I’m going to use it now to see friends and family and hope that they have free-time too! I know there’s Facebook and all that to help me keep in-touch with people but it’s just not the same talking to a phone or computer screen ya know? It’s not like you can give your laptop a hug… Well you can, but it would be weird.

Anyways, I literally have nothing done to organise myself for going. I know packing will be the last thing but even that will be a challenge. Let’s just say, I wouldn’t be the lightest packer… Other than that, I’m a bit in the dark. I mean, I don’t even know what I should be doing? Can I even use my phone over there? Or my Visa Debit card? What sort of plugs do they use? WHO AM I?!!!!

*Calms self*……This is what happens when I start to think about it so I might just leave this stuff ’til the last minute… like I normally do.

Well, that’s the most news I’ve had in a while, but before I start to make this long story any longer, I better wrap things up.

So, to summarize; I’m going to try and see as many people as I can before I go (you could be next), I’m heading off in the first weekend in September (giving you all enough time to organise my going away party… don’t worry, I’ll act surprised) and I now need to go and ask if there is a maximum amount of suitcases one can bring on a plane… asking for a friend….. I swear.

 

Until next time…

 

J.

 

What not to do…

Warning: The following post contains a serious dose of sarcasm.

Based on true events…


Don’t panic, don’t panic, I’m back and it’s good to be back!

Right, so here’s the shtory… I haven’t blogged in almost 3 months, because to be completely honest, I haven’t felt like myself for quite a while and if I had written anything, it would have been super depressing! (Unlike my usual hilarious stuff…)

I suppose you could say that it has been ‘one of those days’ for the past few months! I know a lot of people go through times like this, (a sh*t shower as I like to call it) but I can only speak for myself and my own experiences!

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not on here to complain, but more-so to share some of the ‘crap’ that has happened lately for a couple of reasons. Those being; to get it off my chest and to maybe get a laugh out of someone! It’s a win-win!

Where to start… Well if you happened to read my last post (of course you did), then you might remember the whole saga about me having to start commuting to Dublin for work. It was costing me a fortune on diesel and I was between a rock and a hard place wondering whether I should leave or not, blah blah blah… Well, I did leave in the end! The whole situation was a bit of a pain in the hole to be honest but ‘everything happens for a reason’ right? (Sure it does…)

So yeah, it has been nice not having to go to work everyday, even though somehow I am still busy with other bits and bobs, but reality soon strikes and one must still pay one’s bills and all that so I had to go back to the drawing board on the ol’ job front! Luckily enough, I have always been one of those ‘save your money for a rainy day’ type of people, so this is my rainy day I guess… or year?!

I’m not going to lie, I’m being super picky about jobs, so I am waiting for the right one. (Aren’t we all…sniff.) Speaking of such jobs, I really, REALLY thought I had found the perfect job. (Here comes the water works.) A good friend of mine who started working for a great company recently, told me about this job with that company that was really different, had great hours and suited me down to the ground. He really helped me out with the whole process (shout-out to Adrian for that) and I was super optimistic, so I actually put effort into applying for the job. (I know, fair play to me.) Anyways, I went through all 3 stages of the interviews (all online based) and well let’s just say…

THEY’RE ALL W*NKERS!!

…Ah no, I’m only kidding. I didn’t get the job though and that’s ok! It happens! We’ll just pretend that it was them and not me… Capiche?

It was a really good experience though because the whole interview process was very different and technical and it scared the crap out of me, but I did it and I surprised myself…

Well that wasn’t as painful as I thought it would be!! (No holding grudges at all here.)

I’m going to skip past most of the ‘sh*t shower’ because I could be here typing for the night, but let’s just say it involved a broken down car, the end of a long-term relationship (still friends), being rejected by not one, but two bands (sniff) and getting a rib injury at a vital time in my training. Yes, yes, I know it sounds like I’m complaining or looking for pity, but I’m really, really not. EVERYONE hits a few hitches in the road. It hasn’t been easy and I am still figuring out what the hell I am going to do but it could be a lot worse! As the band ‘Yazz’ would say; “The only way is up!” …(Yes, I had to google that.)

So, here’s something that I am super excited about; my first Irish Powerlifting Federation Open competition in Cork on the 27th of May. (Why do I keep saying ‘super’?)

I have been training for it for months and months, so for the big day to finally be here is fantastic and terrifying! As I mentioned above, over a month ago I somehow injured the soft-tissue around some of my left ribs (not a clue what that means, but it f*cking hurts like a b*tch.) I was unbelievably frustrated with it for a couple of weeks because it was making lifting quite difficult and I thought it was THE END OF THE WORLD, but like the trooper that I am, I pushed through. (Still waiting for my medal of honor.) Ah no though, it was bad. Really bad! I was popping painkillers like you wouldn’t believe to get through my training sessions and even then it wasn’t easy. In a way it ended up being a good thing (oddly enough), because it forced me to lift with better form to minimize the pain and that ended up improving my technique a bit. Silver lining eh?!

So I am 12 days out from the competition, I have 5 training sessions left and lifting is currently going to plan (ish). Now all I have to do is lose 2.5kgs of body weight! Piece of cake! (Poor choice of words. No cake for me.)

If I don’t get down to lower than 63kgs, I get to lift on the day but not actually compete or place anywhere in the competition and I didn’t work this hard and come this far just for the day out and a 99!

My coach; Joe, advised me to move up a weight category in the competition to -72kgs to take some pressure off myself and to just focus on the training. I always follow everything he says and he was 100% right in what he said, but this time I had to dig the heels in! (I can almost see him rolling his eyes.)

Although it would be the wiser thing to do, after planning to be in the -63 category all this time, if I was to compete in the -72s, I know I would be completely unhappy before I would even lift at all and that wouldn’t be a good start to the day! I have had a plan all along and I suppose I want to prove to myself that I can stick to it, whether it’s wise or not.

For anyone who hasn’t a clue what I am on about with the whole powerlifting competition situation, you can go back and read my old posts and it explains the lot. It’s really rivetting stuff, I promise!

So that’s the craic with me at the minute. I’m seriously out of practice with blogging so forgive my rambling, giving out and general sh*te-talking!

Just to finish up, if I’ve learned anything in the past while, it’s the importance of having a hobby that you love. Whether it’s a team sport, a class, collecting rocks or whatever else you’re into, when everything else seems to be going a bit haywire, it’s a great comfort to have that hobby there to help you escape for a little while!

Have a great week.

J.

Decisions, decisions…

So here I am, sitting on the couch, being kicked by a snoring dog and I have a thought; why don’t I get my laptop, go online and have an aul’ moan about life… so here goes…


Right, so this is going to be less of a topic-focused piece of writing and more of a ‘make it up as I go along and hope it’s not sh*t’ sort of thing.

I haven’t really felt like writing anything lately and I wasn’t sure why. Now that I think about it, I think it’s because my life is boring as f*ck and I had nothing to write about. Ah no, I’m only kiddin’… It’s only a little bit boring!

So for anyone who hasn’t read my other blog posts, I talked before about how I went for the manager’s position where I work because it suddenly ‘became vacant’. (That kind of sounds like something really sinister happened to my boss but no, they were just fired.) I don’t even know if I’m allowed to talk about this but sure f*ck it. YOLO and all that.

So anyways, after 2 months of working in the store alone, waiting and waiting for an answer about the job, I was finally told that my old boss was being given their job back, due to a ‘technicality’ and they would be coming back to work, wait for it….. THE NEXT DAY. Talk about a slap in the face. All I could do was laugh at the time…. Ha.

It actually didn’t bother me that I hadn’t gotten the job, but it was more the fact that they had gotten their job back when they so obviously didn’t deserve it. (That’s a story for another day.)

Cutting a very long story short, I am now working in one of the Dublin branches covering for other staff for the time being. It’s a pain in the hole having to drive up and down everyday, but in the last 2 weeks, I’ve met some genuinely nice people who work for the company and we get along really well, so the craic has been ninety.

My options at the minute come down to these; go back to working in the branch I was originally in (yeah right), keep travelling up and down to Dublin everyday making my commute time almost 4 hours per day and spend a fortune on diesel and the tolls, find myself a new job or quit my job and go on a year-long sesh around the world. (The last one’s my fave.)

I actually have no idea what I’m going to do. Luckily enough, I have a week off starting on Tuesday so I can have a think about it. I’m usually a realist about these things and go for the smartest (most boring) option, but to be honest, I am getting sick and tired of always doing the realistic thing all the time. I know for a fact that in 10 or 20 years time I will look back and completely regret it if I waste my whole life just working and having nothing to show for it. I know this is getting a bit heavy and serious now, so here’s a cute pic of a dog wearing a wig to lighten the mood a bit…

dogs-wearing-wigs-0011

Aww…

So yeah, that’s my current predicament. Or part of it anyway. Don’t even get me started on the other stuff!! I suppose I am just at a stage now where I feel as if I should be doing so much more than I am at the moment. I’ve realised that I’m the sort of person who hates predictability and I quickly get fed-up of doing the same thing over and over again to the point where I think I’m going mad! I have all these plans in my head and I think I’ll burst if I don’t just get off me arse and do something about them! Something as simple as going to see some old friends from school seems like an impossible task anymore but that’s so stupid! You know there’s something wrong when you don’t even have the time to do that. Then I see other people on all these great adventures around the world and all I feel is complete jealousy! Pure, thick, green in the face jealousy… Obviously I’m happy for them too but I’d be happier if it was me!

I spend an awful lot of time online ‘planning’ my next trip or adventure but I never actually do it. What’s stopping me?… ME! It’s my own fault! What am I so afraid of? Obviously you have to think about money and that too but I don’t even think that’s to blame.

I think I am just feeling a little bit lost at the minute. With the way work is going and the way I’m sort of just floating about not knowing where I will end up, I feel as if this should be a turning point but I don’t really know what way to turn! (Any guidance would be appreciated!)

Yeah, I know this is seriously a first-world problem compared to most things, but it’s kind of a big issue in relation to whether or not I’ll be happy in life and to be honest, I’m not happy now… and if you’re not happy, what is the point?

PS: I know this is a proper rant/moan, but I think we all need to have one every now and then!

J.