The 2018 Poem

Warning: If you don’t like poems, you won’t like this post, because: DUN DUN DUNNN; it has a poem.

It’s a cool poem though… I promise… So keep reading…


 

Well, how is everyone doing?

Enter answer here –>______________

Just kidding, you can’t do that. Sorry. That would have been cool…

Anyways, I haven’t written since August. I have no excuse really, just the usual rubbish of  being busy working, the lack of motivation and avoiding the effort of taking the laptop out of the bag and all that kind of thing. See, no excuses whatsoever…

So, back in November, I had an idea to compile a recap of 2018 into a poem. (AS ya do.)

Why, you might ask? God and his mother only knows why. Ah no, I do have a reason…

Anyone who has read any of my other posts will know that; I usually ramble on for ages and ages (sorry) when I’m writing about a long period of time (like a year for example) and I usually find it hard to squeeze in all the info I want to include. There’s also that struggle of trying to make it somewhat entertaining (it does take some effort ya know) and so, to try and avoid the rambling, I figured it would be a whole lot easier to do a poem-style ‘summary’ if you will, and write one ‘verse’ for each month of 2018.

It’s kind of a summary of world news from the year and some things I did in 2018 too… Which, to be fair; was f*ck all! But sure look, who doesn’t love an aul’ poem! (Don’t answer that…)

Before I let ye go to read the poem, I just want to say something real quick about my overall experience of 2018 and what I’m taking from it. I know ye didn’t ask, but tough tiddies, I’m tellin’ ye anyways…

At the risk of being a cliché, 2018 was a year of many ups and downs for me. Yes, some good things happened, I think I met a few new people… genuinely don’t know if I did or not but I’m not very sociable so I wouldn’t be surprised if I didn’t, but anyways… I spent time with people I love, I visited Germany for the first time, I went to 3 or 4 concerts and I was recently offered a new job too… (I start later on this month…but that’s a story for another day…)

So, without going into details, I’ve decided that my main goals for 2019 are going to focus on benefiting my mental and emotional health. So, instead of complaining about the problem, I’m just making note of this;

To those people who made 2018 a whole lot more difficult for me than it should have been; you won’t have a role in my 2019. Soz huns. (They’re totes not even reading this but it’s the thought that counts… right?)

I’m sure a few of you feel the same way about some people in your lives too, so a bit of distance is no harm!

Right, that’s the end of that. On a lighter note, let’s get poetic up in here…

(I think ye’ll get the ‘tune’ of the poem after the first few lines so it should get easier to read…)

Enjoy…


The 2018 Poem

 

Oh January, you hoor of a month. It could never end too soon.

I started in a brand new job and there was a bit of a ‘Supermoon’.

I think I went to Jump Lanes too and almost flattened a kid. (Accident)

I checked my Snapchat memories for this, to find out what I did.

(Well, at least the first four lines rhymed, let’s kape it going.)

 

February, I can’t really recall, what happened during you?

I think the Winter Olympics were on and sh*te aul’ Valentine’s too.

Back then, I was always in the gym, liftin’ this and that.

But now, I kind of ‘forget’ to go, because I’m a lazy twat. (100% a lazy twat.)

 

March, March, were you the month, when we had all the snow?

We got a good few days off work and built quarter of an igloo ya know? (We really tried.)

I started minding two little boys, every so often too.

The two of them are just the best and they actually think I’m cool.

(Only took 25 years for someone to think I’m cool. Go me.)

 

Oh April, the month that broke my heart, we lost our beautiful dog Missy.

I’ll never forget that Saturday, not even when I’m busy.

For fourteen years you made me happier, than anything – no question.

I love you and I miss you Petal, I’ll see you someday in heaven.

 

So May, let’s lighten sh*t up a bit, I went to see Ed Sheeran.

Fair play to him, he has the talent, I’m glad I got to see him.

The Eurovision, a wedding of Royals and all that fancy cr*p,

We repealed the 8th amendment and that’s all I’ll say on that.

 

Hey there June, my birthday month, I turned the big 25.

In other news, Saudi Arabia; finally allowed their women to drive.

I went to ‘Summer in the City’ and saw a few aul’ daycent bands.

Finally! We got to break from school, oh sh*t – I had no plans.

 

Oh my, July – what have we here, a total eclipse of the moon.

They found a lake on Mars and we’re having a heatwave too.

Holy Moses the heat was chronic, I was melting inside and out.

Global warming can kiss me hole, we were headed for a drought.

 

August fell and I knew well, ’twas my last month of freedom.

I did f*ck all and so I called some friends and went to see them.

I did some work for my friend’s dad, just now I can remember.

A family wedding, a new tattoo and *poof*, it was September.

 

…and as we know, what Green Day say; wake me up when it ends.

September came, all work no play, back to school and no sleeping in. (Dammit.)

Well, Dag Nabbit, I bought me a rabbit, she’s as cute as a button too.

I called her Heidi and to put it mildly; my Heidi ain’t no fool. (Mmm, Hmm.)

 

October hi, oh you flew by, what happened? Let me see…

Michael D. in for a second term and a holiday for me.

Cologne was nice, I’d go again, but the people are proper w*nkers. (No offence.)

Canada legalised the use of cannabis, hooray for all the stoners!

 

November’s the month that I got the idea, to write this little rhyme.

It sounded easier in my head and ’twas a good idea at the time. (Idiot.)

Actually, now that I think of it, I was away for some of this month too.

I saw Kodaline in concert, they were amazing… something, shoe?

(Blanked on that rhyme there, sorry.)

 

December, December, how is it goin’? All hell starts to break loose.

What is it about this month that makes me want to become a recluse?

Work was hectic, me head was fried, my good friend moved to Australia 😦

Christmas came and went so fast, ya barely knew what hit ya.

 

This verse is last, I’ll make it quick, a bit late for that says you.

I’m really hoping this New Year brings good news and people too.

So, YES I’m done, I’m finally done, I’m b*llocksed writing this.

Happy New Year to you and yours. Goodbye, Good luck & God Bless.

 

J. x

 


 

A pain in the hole…

*The purpose of this particular blog is basically for me to get a load of crap off my chest. (Not literal crap but, figurative crap.)*


Well people, how are we? It’s been a while but, I’m back. Just been working away like a busy bee, but I missed writing so I popped the finger out and got back to it.

I don’t have my laptop with me so I’m currently typing this into the notes on my phone. You work with what ya got!

So, it’s 5 in the morning, I can’t sleep and I have a story in my mind that in my opinion, needs to be told. (For my sake though, not yere’s… sorry.) Just recently I found out some enlightening info from a friend that compelled me to finally write this blog. To be honest, I had let something go that happened a while back up until finding out this new information… but there’s only so far one can be pushed and so you could say I’ve been ‘pushed’ to write this.

Because of the nature of this sitch-ee-ay-shin, I decided to write the story in the third person so that it didn’t sound like it was me just having an aul’ rant and a moan… (wouldn’t be like me!)

Before we get going here, I’ll just start it off for y’all. (I hope ye have some food nearby too because this is a long one…) 

Like I’ve done before, I’m writing this to help myself deal with a sh*t tonne of anxiety that one person from my past has brought upon me. I feel like I have no other way of expressing myself about it all and if I don’t write this, I might just explode one of these days. So here’s my story… It’s not riveting, it’s not exciting, but it is honest and 100% true… and the boring ol’ truth is all I’ve got for ye today folks I’m afraid…

**Other than the character’s names used, everything else in the following story is 100% true and is written from my own personal experience.**

Here we go…

Once upon a time…

…There was a girl named Jane Doe who worked behind the bar in a nightclub. Jane Doe enjoyed working in the nightclub as she got along well with everybody and it was a good place to work overall. After a couple of months, Jane Doe moved to France for two months to work as an au-pair. To put it bluntly, Jane was having a sh*te time of it in France so she moved back home and went to work in the nightclub again.

However, there were a few new members of staff who had recently started. Jane Doe was told by a few people that one of the new staff members was a ‘super nice guy’, in fact, one of the comments made was that he was perhaps ‘too nice’. (Too good to be true you might say? You bet your hole it was.)

So then, after a week or so, Jane Doe began talking to this new guy every so often and you could say that there may have been some flirting or some sort of awkward communication between them anyways. They started to get along quite well and he did seem ‘super nice’ like people had said. 

This super nice guy’s name was; Dill Doe. Yes; Dill Doe.

Dill Doe and Jane Doe started seeing each other. In fact, they saw each other almost all day, every day for 3 or 4 weeks. After a week or so, Jane Doe started to notice that some of the things that Dill Doe was telling her weren’t really adding up. For instance; Dill Doe told Jane that he had left an engineering job that paid him €1000 a week so that he could go and work as a part-time bar tender in the nightclub instead and be paid just above minimum wage. BUT apparently, the engineering company were BEGGING for Dill Doe to come back and work for them because of how much of an asset he was, but he decided he preferred to be poor. (Oh yes, because that made total f*cking sense.) 

Anyways…. Jane Doe found a lot of Dill Doe’s stories hard to believe… and it only became worse. Everything and anything was a lie. Even the smallest things he would say were an obvious lie and it was exhausting. Why was he like this? 

Jane Doe told a few of her friends that she was seeing him and it turned out that 3 or 4 of them knew who he was from back when they were in college too. Jane Doe’s friends told her how full of sh*t he was back then too and that all he did was tell lies, but nobody could understand why he did it.

Jane Doe took note of all of this, but because she still liked him a bit, she gave him the benefit of the doubt and said nothing to him. (Jane, you tit.)

Jane Doe and Dill Doe were practically living in each other’s pockets at this stage. They were working together, spending every day together and sharing lots and lots of ‘stories’.

Jane Doe told Dill Doe several difficult stories from her past that not many people knew about her. At the time, Jane Doe trusted him enough to tell him these things because he had told her many times that in his eyes; ‘all women should be treated like queens’ and so she fell for his ‘sweetness’… (PUKE.)

One day, while Jane Doe was getting ready for work, she saw Dill Doe take a Snapchat of himself, write a long message and send it to someone. Jane, admittedly being a nosey b*tch, asked Dill Doe who he was snap chatting but, Dill Doe replied; ‘nobody’. 

Now, Jane Doe may have been a nosey b*tch, but she wasn’t a dumb b*tch, so she continued to ask Dill Doe for the truth, knowing that he was lying. After repeatedly denying talking to anyone on Snapchat, Jane asked Dill Doe to prove it by showing her his phone. Then, he did show her, and KEL-SUPREEZ, he HAD in fact sent a Snapchat to someone and low-and-behold, it happened to be to the same girl he had recently been constantly messaging, flirting with and ‘helping’ to get a job in the same nightclub he and Jane worked in. (Such a helpful and caring guy….) And would ya believe, this girl just so happened to be VERY attractive and single… but of course, he had ‘no interest in her.’ Even Stevie Wonder could tell that she was unreal looking so Dill Doe was very obviously full of sheeeeeet.

At this stage, Jane didn’t give two hoots about Dill Doe messaging anybody, she just hated that he had lied and that he was constantly lying throughout their whole time together. It was all becoming clearer and she was getting a tad bit p*ssed off now.

So, after a good 20 minutes of Dill Doe denying that he was snap chatting anybody, (although it was RIGHT THERE on his phone in front of them both), Jane started packing all of her stuff and left the house after having the realization that this boy; Dill Doe, never was and never would be an honest or trustworthy person and in fact, if she hadn’t given him the benefit of the doubt so often, she would have copped on to that fact much earlier on. (I repeat; Jane, you tit.)

Unfortunately for Jane, both her and Dill Doe were down on the rota for working in the nightclub that night. Jane was too angry to look at him, so she chose to pretend that he didn’t even exist when she went into work.

Like most workplaces, almost everyone else who worked in the nightclub knew that Jane Doe and Dill Doe were a ‘thing’ and so it was inevitable that it would soon become awkward and more difficult for both of them to work in the same place.

Jane was asked what had happened by some of their co-workers and so she told them the truth and that she chose to leave because of the lies. Unlike Dill Doe, she knew how to tell the truth and practiced it quite frequently. 

During the next week, Dill Doe messaged Jane, still maintaining his innocence and he told her how upset he was that it was over and how he cried himself to sleep after she had left him that evening. Jane didn’t know how this was even possible, seeing as he was working that same night in the same place as her and it would have been impossible for him to have been working AND at home crying like he had said. Wow, he must have had the gift of bi-location!

Jane still couldn’t talk to Dill Doe at work and although she hated what he had done, she still liked him a bit. (Jane, what the actual f*ck?)

Then, Jane was talking to some of their co-workers and she found out that Dill Doe had gone and ‘shifted the face’ off one of the girls who worked upstairs in the hotel above the nightclub. Jane also found out that Dill Doe had told everyone that he had in fact ‘kicked Jane out of his house’ that night, and that it wasn’t her that had left at all.

As you can imagine, Jane wasn’t a happy bunny. In fact, Jane was a very, very angry bunny. However, there was nothing she could do. At this stage, she had to just go into work, ignore Dill Doe and deal with the fact that he had moved on from her very quickly and was now telling lies about her to her co-workers. It soon became a difficult place for Jane to work and she just hated everything. Work wasn’t fun anymore, she was paranoid that people were believing the lies and she was also upset that she fell for a complete b*llocks.

Jane couldn’t take it anymore. She was miserable at the thought of going to work. So, Jane then decided to arrange a time to speak with Dill Doe in person, in order to ask him about what she had heard and to try and settle her head. They met each other and as you can imagine, Dill Doe denied ever saying anything about Jane to any co-worker. He also said that someone ‘pushed’ him into that girl that he was ‘shifting the face off’ and that he didn’t even mean to do it. (Oh yes, because people just walk around with their eyes closed and their mouths open.)

Dill Doe also told Jane that he wanted her back and that everything that she had heard was a complete lie. However, Jane knew better now and said no… and finally, Jane had lost all feelings for Dill Doe. All she felt now was resent.

After this, Jane decided that it was best to try and leave it all behind and have a civil ‘work relationship’ with Dill Doe for the sake of her job…

After a couple of weeks, it came to Jane and a few other staff members’ attention that back in December, while Dill Doe and Jane were still seeing each other, he was messaging a girl who was 7 years younger than him and he had been asking her on a ‘date’. One of the other employees in the nightclub was good friends with this said girl, therefore they could confirm this all to be true. (Jane was flippin’.)

…but sure wouldn’t you know it, Dill Doe denied it all to Jane once again and he said she was 100% wrong… Despite the fact that on several occasions after that, Dill Doe and that girl were in the nightclub drinking together in front of Jane while stuck to each other like sh*t to a blanket… but no, of course Jane was wrong about it all…

So it turned out that Dill Doe was in fact messaging two girls while seeing Jane and planning dates with one of them too… the plot thickened, but Jane’s patience was wearing thin…

…fast forward a few months. (I’m sure ye are all thinking hurry up to f*ck!)

Jane began to go out with one of the supervisors in the hotel above the nightclub. While she was out on a mystery tour with the nightclub staff, Dill Doe made his way over to Jane and asked if he could talk to her. She refused at first as she had no time for him anymore. He kept asking and she eventually gave in, in order not to cause a scene. Dill Doe started to talk absolute bullsh*t to Jane as per usual and was trying to get her to talk to him again. He also started to make comments about her new boyfriend that he now worked with in that bar too and began to tell very obvious lies about him in order to cause issues between Jane and her new man. Jane was quite used to this routine and just nodded her head and smiled. She told Dill Doe that things were ‘all fine’ now and agreed to be on good terms with him so that there would be no awkwardness at work. Jane had no intention of being Dill Doe’s friend again. She just wanted him to go away now… for good.

…Fast forward another few months (See, I told you it was a long one.)

Along with working in the nightclub, Dill Doe had also started working in the bar in the hotel upstairs with Jane’s new boyfriend and also Sally; the girl Dill Doe had ‘shifted the face off’ a few days after Jane ended things with him. 

Little did Dill Doe know that after a while, Jane became friends with Sally and a few members of staff in the hotel and she was informed of a few things that he had been telling the staff in the bar. Dill Doe said that ‘Jane is crazy. She threw pint bottles across the counter at customers down in the nightclub while she was working.’ 

Dill Doe also warned Sally that if she set foot in the nightclub, ‘Jane will throw pint bottles at you if you go down to the nightclub when she’s working there ’cause she’s crazy.’ He also told Sally that they couldn’t be together because apparently ‘Jane would get angry, stop them and throw something at her.’

Jane found this quite interesting seeing as she was now seeing another lad who she was happy with and had no interest in what Dill Doe did in any part of his life including his love life. It was also quite funny because it was complete and utter bullsh*t.

When Jane found out that Dill Doe had told more lies about her, she also found out that everyone initially believed these lies and actually did think she was crazy because they didn’t know her yet and believed what was said. She became fairly bloody thick now. In fact, her anxiety hit the roof and all those months she spent trying to forget the whole thing seemed to have been reversed instantly. 

All Jane kept thinking was; ‘how f*cking dare a 24 year old, lying little sh*t treat her that way, constantly tell her lies, betray her trust on several occasions, go behind her back with 2 girls and then tarnish her name by making up lies about her too so that nobody would like her.’ What had she done to deserve this?!

Jane didn’t know what to do. Her first instinct was to message him an angry text but, she knew it wouldn’t make a difference to him or how she felt, so she didn’t.

However, as a hobby, Jane liked to write blogs online in order to help get words and feelings out on a ‘page’ and sometimes, some people would even read them!… So, she decided she would write a blog on her less than satisfying experience with Dill Doe… and so that’s what she did…

…and so here we are!

The End… (Hopefully.)

So yeah, I know; it could have been a lot worse… But it was pretty sh*t while it was happening and affected me quite a bit. On the scale of things, this was a dot on the map, but unfortunately I’m a soft b*stard and took it all personally as per usual… (Guilty!)

I still don’t know why he did the things he did, or why he thought I deserved to be hurt and treated like that… and I’ll probably never know!

…but I bet anyone reading this can relate to at least one instance in their life when they were hurt by someone they should not have fallen for when they didn’t deserve it.

But yeah, enough moaning now! I just felt the need to get it all out of my head and write it all down. It has already taken up way too much of my time so this is my way of drawing a line under it… and it’s a free country so ya know what; A public blog is the way I thought best to do it!

I hope this was relatable! Our stories may differ but, let’s be honest, we’ve all had a Dill Doe…

J.

You know you work in a bar when…

Warning part in case I offend someone: 

*Read this sentence if you are easily offended: The following blog is completely fictitious. Now skip to the list.

**Read this sentence if you are not easily offended: The following blog is completely true and I mean every word of it. Read on…

First bit…

Holy-moley, it has been two months since I’ve written anything. I’ve actually had this list written in a notebook for a few weeks now, but I just didn’t actually muster up the energy to take my laptop out of it’s bag until today. Go me, it wasn’t easy now.

I’ll set the scene for ye here now for the craic… I’m sitting here on the couch, shlippers on, feet up on the coffee table (or tea table… it’s not all about coffee ya know) and I have yet to separate myself from my beloved red dressing-gown.

Side-note: I am just after remembering I have no food in the house and I need to go and do the shopping after I write this. Now I’ve to actually put me face on. Great.

Next bit…

So, I’ve worked in several bars/pubs over the years, but more recently in a bar in a nightclub. I actually really enjoyed the job and loved the people I worked with. HOWEVER, for a few months I was working at 3 jobs during the day on the weekdays and then in the nightclub at the end of the week at night and on weekends too. I’ll be honest and say I was absolutely b*llocksed tired all of the time and had zero time to do anything for myself, so I came to the decision to give-up the nightclub job. It was quite sad because I really did enjoy it, but it just wasn’t realistic to keep it up anymore. SO, then I was inspired to write this blog! A little ‘tribute’ if you will…

Now, don’t get me wrong. Similar to most of my posts, I throw in a lot of sarcasm here and there for dramatic effect, so just take no notice of any negativity in the following list, I promise I enjoyed the job! Let’s face it, a list full of happy things and loveliness wouldn’t be very entertaining… You may or may not relate to some of these, but anyways… Enjoy!

You know you work in a bar when…

1.. You ask yourself; “What the f*ck is wrong with people?” several times during every shift… and you still don’t know the answer.

 

2.. You hope to God that you’re not as annoying as these people when you are out. (You probably are though… Just sayin’.)

 

3.. You gag/die a little bit every time you pour someone the drink that you almost died from that one time…. (OK, it was two times.)

 

4.. You have had several people come up to you when you’re up to your eyes busy to ’empathize’ by saying; “Oh I work in a bar too so I know exactly how you feel ha ha.” (Eh sorry love, but I really don’t give a f*ck……. ha ha.)

 

5.. You suddenly become an amateur DJ critic after listening to several of them who don’t seem to know what a song with words is. (Yes I know, I’m auld fashioned.)

 

6.. You develop a slight hatred for people who can’t seem to manage pouring Redbull into a glass without causing a flood. (Well, maybe that one only bothers me but it REALLY grinds my gears…)

 

7.. You internally roll your eyes every time someone asks; “can I pay by card?” and you just smile and say “yeah, sure”….. Ugh.

 

8.. You’ve been accused several times of ripping people off, because obviously the bar staff are in charge of the pricing of drinks and they pocket all of the profits too. Obvs.

 

9.. You can never find a pen. Anywhere. Ever.

 

10.. Your bar-blade has a tendency to grow legs and f*ck off when you need it the most.

 

11.. Blue-roll is your best friend and becomes gold-dust when the supply is low.

 

12.. You want to bate the heads off the group of people who order each of their drinks separately…. and every drink is the same. (Eye roll)

 

13.. You become an all-round cynical b*stard for the few hours of every night you work. (Or maybe that’s just me again?)

 

14.. You suddenly become very skeptical of how clean your glass really is when you are out yourself.

 

15.. You find it unbelievably rude when a customer comes up to order a drink and interrupts the deep meaningful conversation you are having with your colleague behind the bar. The cheek of them.

 

16.. There is always that one absolute goon-bag who somehow knows your name and they hound you for stuff every night they’re in because you were friendly to them that one time you were in a good mood.

 

17.. You have had at least 3 people accidentally spit on your face while ordering their drink. Yum.

 

18.. The thought of 24 hour McDonald’s (or just any chipper) is what gets you through a Thursday and Friday night.

 

I think 18 is enough, I don’t want to be too moany ya know!

So, did anyone relate to these or am I just a moody b*tch? Actually no, don’t answer that.

Last bit…

I could write a big long paragraph here now rambling on and summarizing what I just wrote, but I’m all outta’ juice. So, I’ll let ye go and I’ma go put me face on and buy some food. Feel fweee to comment any of your own experiences to add to the list as I am sure there are many more I haven’t included!

So that’s me, I know what my next blog will be so I will be quicker with that one! (I’m sure ye were worried.)

Over and out,

 

J.

 

 

 

 

That Saturday…

Warning: The following blog may contain some feels. Sh*t gets real. Like, really real.

 

I almost had to blow dust and cobwebs off the laptop keyboard it’s been that long since I’ve written anything. It has been a hectic few months because of work mostly, so I genuinely didn’t get much of a chance to write something decent. Believe it or not, I don’t like throwing up any aul’ crap on to my blog. (Yes, I know what you’re thinking; “This has really been her best stuff?”).

You could also say I was suffering from a slight case of ‘writer’s block’ as I wasn’t feeling at all inspired… until now.

Before I start, I just want to warn you that this isn’t going to be like my usual blog posts. I’m not writing this with the purpose of entertaining anyone, but I am writing it as a form of ‘literary therapy’ for myself. (I know, how selfish of me). So, don’t be surprised if I get a bit morbid and soppy, but I’ll keep it short. (Who am I kidding, we all know I’m going to ramble on…)

So, here’s the shtory, albeit a sad one… Exactly 8 days ago, it was Saturday the 7th of April and myself and my mother had to bring our older dog Missy to the vet to be put to sleep. Now I know for most people this isn’t an easy or pleasant task and it happens all the time, but anyone who knows me, knows that animals (especially my own pets) are the most important thing in the world to me and that this would be a particularly difficult day. (Before someone makes a comment in their head, obvs my family are excluded from that statement as it goes without saying that I love them, so relax the cacks there.)

Anyways… Missy was 14 years old and she was still the most beautiful lady inside and out, even up until her last day. We got Missy when she was only 3 months old and Holy Mother of God, she was a head-case of a pup… An absolute dote with a heart of gold, but still a head-case. That’s a Springer Spaniel for you though…

Unfortunately, as she got older, her physical health let her down and she was on a rapid road to paralysis because of spinal problems. It would have been selfish of us to let her keep going in the pain she was in and pain-killers just weren’t cutting it. Believe me, we didn’t come to the decision lightly. I refused to speak about her health issues for a long time because I was in denial about the fact that my poor aul’ Miss was ‘getting old’ and she wasn’t in great shape anymore.

There are a few reasons I’ve chosen to write about this. Firstly, I think animals are an important part of many people’s lives and a lot of you will probably relate to this blog in some ways. Secondly; this is the most inspired I’ve been in a long time to write about something, so I have to get it out on ‘the page’ while the thoughts are flowing… and lastly; I need to write about this as a way to help myself cope with the loss, because I haven’t been able to deal with what happened and I know I haven’t dealt with it emotionally yet.

Over the past week, I’ve noticed a very significant change in my mood, thoughts, habits and my motivations. I’m quite an emotional person so I have a fair idea that this is my mind and body’s reaction to not having allowed myself to get upset yet, which is very unlike me.

Every time a thought of Missy comes into my head, my mind swipes it away before I get a chance to feel anything. It’s almost as if my mind is trying to ‘protect’ me from getting upset. I know the day will come that I won’t be able to avoid the sadness anymore and it will hit me like a tonne of bricks. A ticking time-bomb if you will…

I already feel an overwhelming sense of loss and I am completely heartbroken that she is gone. 14 out of nearly 25 years of my life she was with me and I will never get to spend another minute with her. It’s just too final and definite and I hate it.

I know there are some people who might read this and think “It’s just a dog” or “It’s not like a person died” and fair enough, I know she wasn’t a person, but she was just as important as one and she was family to me.

I was with her when she was put to sleep and although it was f*cking horrendous, I wanted to be there. I needed to know that she was comfortable when it happened. I will always know that the last thing she saw was someone who loved her very much and the last thing she heard was how much she would be missed. I held her head and I will never forget her face or the intense feeling of guilt I felt during those last few minutes, but I know it was the right thing to do.

It’s crazy the effect an animal can have on your life. Losing her has had an enormous impact on my emotions this week and as I sit here typing this, all I am thinking is how I don’t want to leave the house, see anyone or do anything and I haven’t felt like that in quite a while, but reality strikes, and one must go to work and get on with things anyway.

The funny thing is, whenever I would be at home and feel as sad as this, Missy would almost sense that you were in bad form and come over and sit on top of you to make you feel better in her own little way. What I would give to have that one more time. But instead, I have a cat (who has been named Derek) who just randomly wanders into the house from time-to-time curled up on my lap asleep and nobody even knows who owns him. You take what you can get I guess!

I may as well wrap this up because I am gasping for a cup of tea and I am sure this has been a bit of a depression session for anyone reading. I actually have a few more ideas for blogs stirring around in my brain at the minute so I am going to get on to those while the going is good because quite a bit has been happening lately. (Lucky ye!)

Yes, I feel a bit down in the dumps right now, but no, it won’t last forever and I want to get that point across. Sad things happen all the time and everyone has their own way of dealing with them. I just haven’t found my way of doing that yet, but I will and I know that I will feel a whole lot better then. You can come back from anything!

I hope some of you could relate to this post and that I didn’t sound like I was trying to have too much of a moan, because believe it or not, that wasn’t my intention!

So, to my beautiful dog Missy, I miss you, I love you and wherever you are now, that’s where I want to end up.

Well, that’s about the size of it now. I’ll be back very soon with an overwhelmingly hilarious blog post…

Yep. Aaany day now…

G’luck lads.

J x

IMG_0016
Missy x

 

 

 

What parents say VS what they actually mean

The characters and events in this blog are fictitious. Any apparent similarity to real persons is not intended by the author and is either a coincidence or the product of your own troubled imagination.

(I’d like to be able to say that I came up with that myself, but no, I had to copy and paste that sh*t.)


 

SO, I’ve been thinking about writing this one for a while and I finally got around to it… Albeit at 4am on a Friday morning, but sure I do my best thinking at this time!

We all say things sometimes when really we mean something else altogether… We just hope that the other person will get the hint and not take offence. I thought I’d come up with a short list of examples of how parents can be guilty of this!…. You’re more likely to relate if you’re Irish I think but still, Enjoy…

Note: No offence was intended in the writing of this blog.

1.

The use of dreaded technology

What parents say: “Oh God, I haven’t a clue how to use this yoke, sure we didn’t grow up with phones, will you send this text for me?”

What they mean: “I’m going to milk the whole ‘I’m old and can’t use technology’ thing for as long as I can so that I don’t have to write my own texts because I couldn’t be arsed, so will you do it for me?”


 

2.

The clothes line

What parents say: “JAYSIS will you bring in the clothes off the line, it’s starting to piss!!!”

What they mean: “You better run like a b*stard and get those clothes in or ther’ll be shlaps thrown all sides… and make sure you hang them up inside too.”


 

3.

The third degree

What parents say: “Where are you off to?”

What they mean: “Where are you going? Who are you going to see? How long will you be gone? What are you going to be doing? What time will you be back and will you bring home a litre of milk with you?”


 

4.

The ‘subtle’ question

What parents say: “Had you enough money?”

What they mean: “You better give me back my change ya little sh*t.”


 

5.

The guilt trip

What parents say: “Don’t go gettin’ me anything for my birthday now, save your money.”

What they mean: “I’m only telling you not to get me anything so that you’ll feel guilty and do a heap of housework to make up for not getting me a present.”


 

6.

The attempt at reverse psychology

What parents say: “Right so, it’s up to yourself if that’s what you want to do…”

What they mean: “If you do it, you’re a muppet and don’t say I didn’t warn you…………………….don’t do it.”


 

7.

The outfit

What parents say: “That’s what you’re wearing is it?”

What they mean: “Holy mother of Jesus what is she wearing out, the whole family will be put to shame.”


 

8.

The warning

What parents say: “Mind yourself on the road now.”

What they mean: “Get a scratch on my car and God love you, you needn’t bother coming home.”


 

9.

The trick

What parents say: “Dinner’s ready!”

What they mean: “Dinner isn’t ready yet, but I called you knowing that it would piss you off to have to wait another 15 minutes.”


 

10.

The test

What your mother says: “Go and ask your dad.”

What she means: “That fella better not say ‘yes’ or I’ll bate him.”


 

11.

The test results

What your dad says: “What did your mother say?”

What he means: “Don’t ask me, just do what your mother said or she’ll bate me.”


 

12.

The throwback

What your parents say: “I wouldn’t have gotten away with doing something like that when I was your age.”

What they mean: “I don’t give a sh*t what dodgy stuff I did back in the day, you’re not gettin’ away with it now.”


 

13.

The remote

What your parents say: “Is there anything on TV you want to watch?”

What they mean: “LOL JK, tough sh*t, The Late Late Show is on!”


 

 

To be continued…


 

Happy Friday & have a great weekend.

 

J.

 

What not to do…

Warning: The following post contains a serious dose of sarcasm.

Based on true events…


Don’t panic, don’t panic, I’m back and it’s good to be back!

Right, so here’s the shtory… I haven’t blogged in almost 3 months, because to be completely honest, I haven’t felt like myself for quite a while and if I had written anything, it would have been super depressing! (Unlike my usual hilarious stuff…)

I suppose you could say that it has been ‘one of those days’ for the past few months! I know a lot of people go through times like this, (a sh*t shower as I like to call it) but I can only speak for myself and my own experiences!

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not on here to complain, but more-so to share some of the ‘crap’ that has happened lately for a couple of reasons. Those being; to get it off my chest and to maybe get a laugh out of someone! It’s a win-win!

Where to start… Well if you happened to read my last post (of course you did), then you might remember the whole saga about me having to start commuting to Dublin for work. It was costing me a fortune on diesel and I was between a rock and a hard place wondering whether I should leave or not, blah blah blah… Well, I did leave in the end! The whole situation was a bit of a pain in the hole to be honest but ‘everything happens for a reason’ right? (Sure it does…)

So yeah, it has been nice not having to go to work everyday, even though somehow I am still busy with other bits and bobs, but reality soon strikes and one must still pay one’s bills and all that so I had to go back to the drawing board on the ol’ job front! Luckily enough, I have always been one of those ‘save your money for a rainy day’ type of people, so this is my rainy day I guess… or year?!

I’m not going to lie, I’m being super picky about jobs, so I am waiting for the right one. (Aren’t we all…sniff.) Speaking of such jobs, I really, REALLY thought I had found the perfect job. (Here comes the water works.) A good friend of mine who started working for a great company recently, told me about this job with that company that was really different, had great hours and suited me down to the ground. He really helped me out with the whole process (shout-out to Adrian for that) and I was super optimistic, so I actually put effort into applying for the job. (I know, fair play to me.) Anyways, I went through all 3 stages of the interviews (all online based) and well let’s just say…

THEY’RE ALL W*NKERS!!

…Ah no, I’m only kidding. I didn’t get the job though and that’s ok! It happens! We’ll just pretend that it was them and not me… Capiche?

It was a really good experience though because the whole interview process was very different and technical and it scared the crap out of me, but I did it and I surprised myself…

Well that wasn’t as painful as I thought it would be!! (No holding grudges at all here.)

I’m going to skip past most of the ‘sh*t shower’ because I could be here typing for the night, but let’s just say it involved a broken down car, the end of a long-term relationship (still friends), being rejected by not one, but two bands (sniff) and getting a rib injury at a vital time in my training. Yes, yes, I know it sounds like I’m complaining or looking for pity, but I’m really, really not. EVERYONE hits a few hitches in the road. It hasn’t been easy and I am still figuring out what the hell I am going to do but it could be a lot worse! As the band ‘Yazz’ would say; “The only way is up!” …(Yes, I had to google that.)

So, here’s something that I am super excited about; my first Irish Powerlifting Federation Open competition in Cork on the 27th of May. (Why do I keep saying ‘super’?)

I have been training for it for months and months, so for the big day to finally be here is fantastic and terrifying! As I mentioned above, over a month ago I somehow injured the soft-tissue around some of my left ribs (not a clue what that means, but it f*cking hurts like a b*tch.) I was unbelievably frustrated with it for a couple of weeks because it was making lifting quite difficult and I thought it was THE END OF THE WORLD, but like the trooper that I am, I pushed through. (Still waiting for my medal of honor.) Ah no though, it was bad. Really bad! I was popping painkillers like you wouldn’t believe to get through my training sessions and even then it wasn’t easy. In a way it ended up being a good thing (oddly enough), because it forced me to lift with better form to minimize the pain and that ended up improving my technique a bit. Silver lining eh?!

So I am 12 days out from the competition, I have 5 training sessions left and lifting is currently going to plan (ish). Now all I have to do is lose 2.5kgs of body weight! Piece of cake! (Poor choice of words. No cake for me.)

If I don’t get down to lower than 63kgs, I get to lift on the day but not actually compete or place anywhere in the competition and I didn’t work this hard and come this far just for the day out and a 99!

My coach; Joe, advised me to move up a weight category in the competition to -72kgs to take some pressure off myself and to just focus on the training. I always follow everything he says and he was 100% right in what he said, but this time I had to dig the heels in! (I can almost see him rolling his eyes.)

Although it would be the wiser thing to do, after planning to be in the -63 category all this time, if I was to compete in the -72s, I know I would be completely unhappy before I would even lift at all and that wouldn’t be a good start to the day! I have had a plan all along and I suppose I want to prove to myself that I can stick to it, whether it’s wise or not.

For anyone who hasn’t a clue what I am on about with the whole powerlifting competition situation, you can go back and read my old posts and it explains the lot. It’s really rivetting stuff, I promise!

So that’s the craic with me at the minute. I’m seriously out of practice with blogging so forgive my rambling, giving out and general sh*te-talking!

Just to finish up, if I’ve learned anything in the past while, it’s the importance of having a hobby that you love. Whether it’s a team sport, a class, collecting rocks or whatever else you’re into, when everything else seems to be going a bit haywire, it’s a great comfort to have that hobby there to help you escape for a little while!

Have a great week.

J.

Decisions, decisions…

So here I am, sitting on the couch, being kicked by a snoring dog and I have a thought; why don’t I get my laptop, go online and have an aul’ moan about life… so here goes…


Right, so this is going to be less of a topic-focused piece of writing and more of a ‘make it up as I go along and hope it’s not sh*t’ sort of thing.

I haven’t really felt like writing anything lately and I wasn’t sure why. Now that I think about it, I think it’s because my life is boring as f*ck and I had nothing to write about. Ah no, I’m only kiddin’… It’s only a little bit boring!

So for anyone who hasn’t read my other blog posts, I talked before about how I went for the manager’s position where I work because it suddenly ‘became vacant’. (That kind of sounds like something really sinister happened to my boss but no, they were just fired.) I don’t even know if I’m allowed to talk about this but sure f*ck it. YOLO and all that.

So anyways, after 2 months of working in the store alone, waiting and waiting for an answer about the job, I was finally told that my old boss was being given their job back, due to a ‘technicality’ and they would be coming back to work, wait for it….. THE NEXT DAY. Talk about a slap in the face. All I could do was laugh at the time…. Ha.

It actually didn’t bother me that I hadn’t gotten the job, but it was more the fact that they had gotten their job back when they so obviously didn’t deserve it. (That’s a story for another day.)

Cutting a very long story short, I am now working in one of the Dublin branches covering for other staff for the time being. It’s a pain in the hole having to drive up and down everyday, but in the last 2 weeks, I’ve met some genuinely nice people who work for the company and we get along really well, so the craic has been ninety.

My options at the minute come down to these; go back to working in the branch I was originally in (yeah right), keep travelling up and down to Dublin everyday making my commute time almost 4 hours per day and spend a fortune on diesel and the tolls, find myself a new job or quit my job and go on a year-long sesh around the world. (The last one’s my fave.)

I actually have no idea what I’m going to do. Luckily enough, I have a week off starting on Tuesday so I can have a think about it. I’m usually a realist about these things and go for the smartest (most boring) option, but to be honest, I am getting sick and tired of always doing the realistic thing all the time. I know for a fact that in 10 or 20 years time I will look back and completely regret it if I waste my whole life just working and having nothing to show for it. I know this is getting a bit heavy and serious now, so here’s a cute pic of a dog wearing a wig to lighten the mood a bit…

dogs-wearing-wigs-0011

Aww…

So yeah, that’s my current predicament. Or part of it anyway. Don’t even get me started on the other stuff!! I suppose I am just at a stage now where I feel as if I should be doing so much more than I am at the moment. I’ve realised that I’m the sort of person who hates predictability and I quickly get fed-up of doing the same thing over and over again to the point where I think I’m going mad! I have all these plans in my head and I think I’ll burst if I don’t just get off me arse and do something about them! Something as simple as going to see some old friends from school seems like an impossible task anymore but that’s so stupid! You know there’s something wrong when you don’t even have the time to do that. Then I see other people on all these great adventures around the world and all I feel is complete jealousy! Pure, thick, green in the face jealousy… Obviously I’m happy for them too but I’d be happier if it was me!

I spend an awful lot of time online ‘planning’ my next trip or adventure but I never actually do it. What’s stopping me?… ME! It’s my own fault! What am I so afraid of? Obviously you have to think about money and that too but I don’t even think that’s to blame.

I think I am just feeling a little bit lost at the minute. With the way work is going and the way I’m sort of just floating about not knowing where I will end up, I feel as if this should be a turning point but I don’t really know what way to turn! (Any guidance would be appreciated!)

Yeah, I know this is seriously a first-world problem compared to most things, but it’s kind of a big issue in relation to whether or not I’ll be happy in life and to be honest, I’m not happy now… and if you’re not happy, what is the point?

PS: I know this is a proper rant/moan, but I think we all need to have one every now and then!

J.